OMG

Ok so I'm still going out of my mind! LOL as always I suppose! It's all good though. How can I let this happen. I just dont understand it at all. why why why why why! I'm so miserable and happy at the same time. I want to stay where I'm at but break free too. I want to be able to not think and do whatever, which I know I can't I have 2 kids. Maybe I just need a vacation, a get away to be me! To let go and relax and do whatever the f*ck I want. I want to cut loose and just chill! I'm so tired. I'm tired of everything! I walk around my house endlessly, sometimes it feels like no purpose. I stop trying to hang out with D. He doesn't like the same things I do anyways, so why the hell should I try then. He likes to play video games on his computer, sit on the couch and do nothing. Likes totally different shows then I do, I do try to watch some of them but they just dont catch my interest. I like to talk (Ima woman) he doesn't. I dont think he listens to me anyways when I talk because he doesn't really look at me and seems side track with something else anyways. I wonder if maybe I ignore him, not seek him out what would happen? That's it I should do that. But do I honestly care right now? Not really. I feel so used to it and numb. I mean it's gonna be 10 years. Here is one example how I know it's bad. I'm on myspace, of course, aren't we all, and I started to take self photos of me. Ya know getting my good side of my face, seeing how I smile, what looks good yadda yadda yadda, and some guy outta the blue had emailed me and said "Damn you are hottt!". D was right there when I read it, I dont care, I have nothing to hide there, and he said "oh really, email him back and say "F off"...I laughed because he actually got jealous. He actually did feel something, OMG. He showed a little emotion other than anger and frustration or stoic-ness. He never seems to lighten up or anything. He is just no fun. AND IF and WHENEVER he get even REMOTELY happy it's because he is looking for action, so ya then he gets a little giddy. But geesh I gotta put up with mr grumpy most of the time??? This sucks! Dude you're fired! As simon would say "ya know, if I'm just being honest.....YOU SUCK" God I'm tired. I mean give me some strength to tolerate him please!